Dear So and So- Hmmm

I love Dear So and So. Normally, I don't have an issue finding things to vent about. Yet, today, I'm rather chipper. International Delight Pumpkin Spice seasonal coffee creamer is BACK BABY, it's a GORGEOUS sunny day outside, hubby is going to WILLINGLY help me with chores and I live on the water at the beach. It's a good day. So I think all I have to vent about today are daily inconveniences.

Want to rant??? Grab the button and let us have it!!



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Dear dishes,

I clean you and put you away and you pile right back up again.  I. clean. you. and. put. you. away. and. you. pile. RIGHT. BACK. UP. AGAIN.  Mucho inconvenient.

Please figure out how to clean yourselves....I'll still put you away.  I don't mind that part...it's quick.

Thanks,
Lady of the House

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Dear Laundry,

We really need to come to a compromise.  I have no problem sorting you, putting you in the washer and then putting you in the dryer.  Don't you think we could come to a happy medium where you fold yourself and put yourself away?? 

I don't think that's too  much to ask.

Get on it,
Lady of the House

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Dear Judah-Man,

We get it.  You're fluffy.  You're adorable.  You look like a miniature lion.  You're king of the freakin' world.  Your little furry face is the highlight of my day and you have more personality than Bill Cosby, Katt Williams and Dane Cook....COMBINED.

BUT

Contrary to popular belief, your Daddy and I canNOT pet you EVERY WAKING MOMENT.  Your loyal subjects have other, not equally important but important never-the-less, things to do during our day.  Plus, our hands start to cramp after a while.

Please accept this for the hard truth that it is.

Wuvs,

Da Mommy and Da Daddy

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Dear Roxie-Baby,

You are an absolute JOY.  Your Daddy and I couldn't ask for a sweeter, better behaved, more beautiful, more loving and more loyal pound puppy.  The day we adopted you was one of the best days of both our lives.

I'm just wondering if you could maybe get a grip on the Roxie-hair tumbleweeds that are attempting to take over the house.  I vacuumed 2 days ago and there's already one bigger than Judah in the corner.  You're just too pretty to shave.  Figure it out.  Mkthanks.

Love,
Mommy

Dear So and So - Enough is Enough

Dear Husband,

I love you DEARLY. You mean the absolute world to me and you know there is no one else on this planet I would want to share this adventure with.....BUT.....enough is enough. Because I am your wife and I love you so much, I will cheerfully and gratefully keep our BEAUTIFUL home (that you work VERY hard to provide us) neat, tidy and healthy. Yet, remember darling husband that I'm your WIFE, YOUR PARTNER, YOUR SOURCE OF PEACE AND CALM....I'm not your mother, I'm not your babysitter, I'm not your maid. The laundry hamper is VERY CONVENIENTLY located behind the bedroom door. Has been SINCE WE MOVED IN 5 MONTHS AGO. I will happily draw up a map if necessary. If your clothes can't find their way to the hamper VIA YOUR PERFECTLY FUNCTIONING HANDS......they aren't getting washed. Period, the end.

If you wanna wear smelly, rumpled clothes, fine. But a smelly husband does NOT a frisky wife make.

Any questions??? Do NOT make me call your mother....crap, she's the one that created this monster....do NOT make me call MY MOTHER.


LOVE,
Your wife at the end of her rope.


P.S. What I don't understand is why you are so attentive (hamper, washing, ironing YOURSELF) about your work clothes and not your regular clothes.

Dear So and So - Bridal Woes

Dear Bridal Industry,

What in God's name made you think it was at ALL acceptable to turn the average bride into a whiny, spoiled, snarky, self-righteous, wedding spend-thrift??? Therefore jacking the average overall price of a wedding to 30,000 EFFING DOLLARS!?!?!?!?!?!

KNOCK IT OFF!

Take note, shady industry, I WILL overcome this little conspiracy of yours. I'm smart, creative and humble. I WILL have an elegant, incredible, GORGEOUS wedding for less than HALF of your average and even YOU, bridal industry, will wish you had had MY day.

Does my rebellion make you uncomfortable darling bridal industry? Deal with it.

Have a lovely day.

Your charming Bride,
Miranda